If forming relationships is a biological imperative, the lack of them is untenable. There is no one of us who has not suffered from loneliness. In the short run it is toxic, but manageable. However, if it persists and becomes the norm, it becomes life threatening. The lonely person must compensate for his position in order to retain their mental balance. He must escape from loneliness any way he can. These escapes include entering into disadvantageous or toxic relationships, self-medication, and the continuous seeking of stimulation. Of course, this plays right into the hands of the Players. They, as always, create the disease and then offer the cure. This “cure” takes the form of sedation in one shape or other – drugs, alcohol, casual sex, gambling, etc.
This fear of loneliness is one of the prime motivators for our social behaviour. It makes us fear sticking out in the crowd, lest the majority reject us. This fear does indeed have a rational foundation given that like attracts like, and the herd ousts the deviant. Even the characterization of those who are different as ‘deviant’, demonstrates the degree to which society is intolerant of all those who stand out in some way.
When fear is our prime motivator, we are forever moving away from something, rather than moving toward it. It also takes that which should be our most precious possession, our destiny, and places it in the hands of others.
Having sight in the valley of the blind make us even lonelier when we find ourselves in a crowd. The generic cocktail party becomes a chamber of horrors. In an unstructured environment in which conversation is limited to sound bytes, having no other purpose than impression-management. Anyone attempting any substantive communication is at a complete loss. The narrative is formulaic – light, impersonal, glib – anyone who cannot operate on this bandwidth is labelled as either intense or boring – neither an appealing reputation.
Having cast aside the psychological crutches which have supported us thus far, we must come up with some new way to reorient ourselves. Like sailors on a dinghy adrift in a raging sea, we must find a buoy to which we can tether our vessel. The only fixed point strong enough to hold us against the prevailing wind is our own individual essence.
Human beings naturally focus their attention on themselves. To focus on relationships involves a mental shift. One axiom, which lies at the very heart of the relationship paradigm, is that deep within each of us lies an essence which is entirely unique. Nature and nurture interact to give this essence human expression. In turn, there is a signature field associated with each individual essence. This field interacts with our immediate environment. At the beginning of our human journey it refers to our home environment. As we get older, it extends to school, community, etc. There is a natural ebb and flow between our fields and that of the world around us. In the short run, we are malleable and can accommodate most environments. However, over the fullness of time we tend to gravitate to that which is synchronous with our own natural rhythm.
Of course, the existence of an immutable, basic vibration, which determines the course of our lives, is incompatible with modern psychology. Psychology would have us believe that we are predominantly fashioned by our environment. One of its underlying tenets is that with the proper application of behaviour modification, society may be engineered to produce desired outcomes.
Modern psychology’s approach has our base field as neutral, while we are tabula rasa, with no definitive limitations to our malleability and, consequently our adaptability. However, if this is not the case, and who we are is predominantly determined by our essential character, then social engineering is doomed from the start!
History, moreover, proves that this is indeed the case. Throughout history, the status quo has labored to mold human beings into simple, predictably functioning automatons, which will think and do as they are told. The fact that after literally millennia, human nature has changed so little proves that these attempts have caused widespread damage to our capacity for progress.